May 11, 2020
It has been a long time since I’ve sat down to write on here and while it’s only been two years, I can almost guarantee you I am unrecognizable from who I was last time I made an appearance on the world wide web.
Big things have happened.
I started dating my now husband, Roy.
We both graduated college in the spring of 2018.
I spent a summer living with my dad in Washington (whom I’d never lived with before).
Roy and I both moved to Redding, CA. Him to follow me and to chase his dream job as an engineer. And me, to attend Bethel school of ministry.
We got engaged last spring and married in the summer after a four-month engagement.
Now here I am, ten months married, more traveled than I was two years ago, living in a cozy duplex in a small town in northern California with my dream guy and my favorite pup. We attend a church I dreamt of going to for years and I even work there full time, as a barista and baker.
While my job is nearly the same as the one I had in the mountain town I lived in before this one and I am dating the same hunk I was when I left college, my priorities have shifted and my perspective on things have aged like a good cheese or a boujee wine.
Life still has a sweet taste to it. I am not unaware that I’m still a girl in her early twenties and I don’t take myself too seriously.. if that’s what you may be worried about. I still love karaoke and making up dances with my cousins. But something changes within you once you become a wife. I don’t mean to sound cliché or like I know a heck of a lot more just because I have a ring on my finger.
But at least for me, I am less of a people pleaser than I was when I met my husband. He gave me a fresh perspective on what my worth was. He helped me understand my value to the point where I realized I shouldn’t compromise my mental health or wellbeing just to bend over backwards to hopefully put a smile on someone else’s face who may not care one bit about me in return. Yes it is soooo good to give back to others and to serve people with no agenda, don’t get me wrong. However, college Peyton would have paid for your car to not get towed and taken someone’s shift for them on my last day in town before I moved states away.
Peyton today would realize moving out of her apartment at the scheduled time is a valid reason to not take someone’s shift and maybe not break her own bank to free a friend’s car up because some people need to learn not to park their car in a private lot over night when they go out to party.
In my whole life I never really stood up for myself, and whether it’s a good thing or sometimes a kind of ugly thing I have found my voice.
I’ve finally come to terms with my past boss saying, “Not everyone will love you. You don’t have to like them either and that’s ok.” And my aunt saying, “No matter how old you get, girls don’t really change. There’s still bullies and gossipers.”
The people who feel like home. The ones who stick by you through all of your phases and all your hairstyles, those are the ones worth bending over backwards for.
Not only have I found a better balance of where to invest my efforts, but I have decided to start becoming more comfortable with my own voice again.
Because if I am being honest, a big portion of why I stopped posting on this blog wasn’t due to a lack of adventure going on in my life.. it came from a place of being tired of hearing what I had to say. Truly. I stopped writing in my journals. I stopped making notes in my phone throughout the day and I stopped applying for journalism jobs. I even got to a point a few months ago where I cried when I tried to apply for a job. In fact, a job to apply for hadn’t even come into focus yet. It was the idea of sitting down to write out a resume and cover letter that had me in tears. It was so hard for me to affirm myself, to sit down and say what qualified me for a job even if they were FACTS.
So here I am. Taking in a breath of fresh air and inviting myself to speak again. No more silencing my passions or letting my insecurities take over.
If anything, I just want to come back to this site to document my life and my existence again. For me.
Here you will find stories of my travels and photos of my lover boy on our adventures.
There will be how-tos and what not to do’s. I will put my success and my error in creating things on display. Pastries I make for catered events or dishes I serve up for friends and family will find their way onto these pages. Sappy, braggy love stories about how wonderfully my husband pursues me and glimpses into my most random thoughts (good and some bad) will be jotted down too.
Welcome to my smorgasbord of writings.
