February 8, 2018
A year ago I stepped off the airplane after 20+ hours of travel to set foot in the Netherlands, the country I would call home for the next five months.
Looking back through my journal, I wrote a jumble of emotions:
March 1st: “ My mental capacity to handle things must have shrunk because I feel like I’m about to explode with confusion and emotion and devastation. If the ceiling ever took a break from holding up your roof and set it on your head for a bit.. you’d feel the way I currently do.”
March 5th: “ ‘So the weather is kind of shit.. It’s cold and windy always.’ –Laura.
Right now I’m sitting with Sam and Laura in front of the windmill while Judith is off somewhere doing something. She likes to do that… to wander off. Anyway, its sunny for once. My lungs are taking in loads of fresh air. My skin is absorbing the warmth. I feel so at peace sitting here in this moment.”
March 19th: “None of my problems outweigh the beauty of being able to live this life. Thank you Lord!”
March 29th: “ You can do this. You can get through this. You have god. You have the strength. It will be okay! Your heart will heal. If I do what is right, my heart will eventually follow.”
April 20th: “ Time is passing this journal by. I didn’t realize until today that I never even wrote about my 21st birthday away from home, my first Easter without my mom, and my trips to Ireland and Belgium. All of these things being just as great as the rest of my time abroad thus far and I’ve not documented them. On top of these times are my mom’s visit with my Oma, going o the tulip fields, riding in the canals of Groningen, seeing Moonlight and Beauty and the Beast, comedy night and day trips to the windmill with Sam and Millie. More things are overwhelmingly enjoyable than not and I cannot keep up with the fullness of my day-to-day itinerary.”
June 30th: “ Today is my last full day in Groningen. I closed my account, donated stuff to Mama Mini, sent Sana off, finished packing, ate Chinese for the second night in a row and went to the bar in my building’s parking lot. The Chinese and bar part were a repeat of one of my first nights in town, when Anni invited me to Chinese and out with people from our building. She is one of the main people who helped make me feel included from the beginning and I lost sight of that. I’ll miss my crazy floor. Veronica’s sweetness and hipster dancing with Alice when they’re in a certain mood. Delphine always eating bacon. Marta’s heiniken hat she stole at Kingsland. Linn’s giggle and funky clothes. Sini’s love for Nutella and nylon sock obsession. Anna’s creepy laugh while she continues to be the smiliest person. Laura’s teddy bear bathrobe. CC wearing her nightgown and eating chinese food in the day but wearing wild clothes and partying hard at night. Nicola making me laugh when I was sobbing. Luccia smoking ciggs and meal prepping for the end of the world every week. Anni walking around with no clothes.. ALWAYS!
I’ll miss eveneings of us being too loud after sharing a meal in the hall.
Van Houtenlann is my blessing in disguise.
It’s weird how you can go back to a lot of things you miss. For instance, I can go back to my home to my mom and dogs and church and coffee stands with Rylee and Addy… but I can’t go back to all the same people of Van Houtenlann again.”
I may not be able to go back to that specific time or place again, the time of travel and abundant new friendships. But, I can remember it and love it and cherish that time forever. It is a time that has shaped me tremendously that I will keep in my mind and heart.
Groningen, you are always missed.
